I never voted for Obama.

Before you call me a fool, hear me out. Tonight was a historical night. Just like November 4^th, 2008 was a historical night.  Tonight, we didn’t say goodbye to our president for the last eight years – he said farewell to us.  Yes, he boasted a bit, as he should.  He deserves every bit of credit for what he achieved for this country.  And I personally can take zero credit for appointing him.

At 19, I had no idea what I really wanted in a president.  I had no idea what kind of world I was entering into as an adult.  I was a college student, working as a barista and living at my Uncle’s house virtually rent free.  At that time, I was a firm Republican who strongly opposed universal health care and felt that McCain would have been the better fit for our nation.  Regardless of the fact the I felt Palin was a joke, I voted for a strong Republican POW who most likely would have done wonderful things in his own way for our country.  It was also the first time I had ever voted in my life and my pre-frontal cortex wasn’t fully developed.  I blame my first vote primarily on the fact that my brain hadn’t fully developed, particularly the part where reasoning and overall decision making is involved.  Please note that blaming your stupid decisions on your brain before the age of 25 is completely valid.  Blame away.

In all seriousness, I acted on emotion and bias at 19.  And in 2012, at 24, I acted in ignorance and didn’t vote at all.  I was right on the cusp of reason – my 25^th birthday only a few days away and the only emotion I felt at that time towards the election was indifference. Therefore, the wonderful things that President Obama did during his time in office can’t be attributed to my sad and absent voice in his election and overall presidency. But here I sit, reaping the benefits.

In all seriousness, my pre-frontal cortex is 100% liberal.

During his farewell address tonight, I sobbed like I had just watched the first 15 minutes of Up.  I cried with such a mix of emotion, both grateful and concerned for our future, that I wasn’t sure if I was either going insane or completely reasonable for the first time in eight years.

You know the phenomenon when a celebrity dies and their popularity exponentially surmounts their popularity when they were alive?  That is the sensation I am currently experiencing.  The whole “you don’t know what you got till it’s gone” sensation.  To be fair, back in 2008, I was COMPLETELY Hillary.  That is, until Hillary was pushed out by President Obama.  So, to go back to blaming emotion, here is a prime example of how butt-hurt and emotional I acted in voting for anyone besides him.  But there is no excuse – I’ve never been proven so wrong in my life.

At 12:41 am on Wednesday, November 9^th 2016, a friend called and woke me from an avoidant slumber.  I had gone to bed early in order to miss the stress of the election.  He informed me of our president elect.  I pretended that our conversation was a dream until about 7 am that same morning when I sleepily scrolled my Facebook feed in an effort to confirm that I had in fact dreamt the contents of our discussion. Sadly, all I got was disheartening news.  I applied my eyeliner more than once that morning – I cried while sipping coffee and listening to my go-to happy movie (Home for the Holidays).  My mother called me to bask in her electoral triumph only to induce more tears and anger on my end.  I’ve chosen to still love her unconditionally.

Looking back, I remember being upset about President Obama’s election, but I never felt emotionally distraught.  I never felt concerned for our country’s future when Obama was appointed as our nation’s leader.  I legitimately cannot say the same thing today as Mr. Trump (and he will REMAIN Mr. Trump until he is either assassinated, impeached or God willing, beaten by a democrat in four years) was nominated as our president-elect.

I don’t care if it bothers you that he is black. I don’t care if you think he was too young or unqualified.  I don’t care if you think he “did nothing” for our country in eight years.  Take a giant fucking look at who this country just nominated – a bloated, orange and incredibly under-qualified ignoramus will be running this country in just nine short days.  A man who stands for nothing but his own pride will soon be controlling our rights as American citizens.  A man who makes fun of the mentally disabled, discredits hard working immigrants, calls out women for not looking like his mail-order bride and who has never in his life had a hand in politics.  This feeling I have right now is the epitome of “Holy shit, what have we done?”

If it had been Hillary or Bernie going into office in nine days, I would still be just as emotional and remorseful.  It doesn’t take a Trump to make you realize the accomplishments of President Obama.  He brought us out of a recession created by his predecessors, marriage equality, a nation void of torture, a relationship with Cuba, a globalized outreach for controlling climate change and a continuation of a war on terror and the misrepresentation of a humble and ancient culture.

I know that in four years, I will not feel the same emotions I feel tonight.  I will happily say goodbye to Mr. Trump, whether or not he succeeds in anything worth talking about. His farewell address will be full of misplaced boasting.  My pre-frontal cortex tells me so.  The uplifting and unifying words we heard tonight from President Obama will be absent in Mr. Trump’s address, but they will not be forgotten.  “Change only happens when ordinary people get involved” – Goddammit people, we must STAY involved.  Yes, our forefathers argued.  But they also compromised.  We must recollect and stay strong.  We must be the voice for those who don’t have one, we must come together to be the push our young nation needs in the right direction.

So here I sit, admitting to the world that I never voted for one our country’s greatest Presidents.  But I can happily and genuinely say for one last time – Thanks Obama. Thank you for setting us up for a fight and a drive to persevere.