When I say “best friend”, I am not referring to my boyfriend, fiance, or husband.  I am referring to my best gal pal, my main amigo, my “chick” before “d**k” if you will.  And while a lot of us find a best friend in those we choose to romantically love, I’ve yet to find a lover who loves me in a way my best friend does.
Get any sexual conotations out of your mind please and realize I’m onto something much deeper.

You see, for someone who doesn’t see much worth within themselves, it’s priceless to find someone who sees you for all that you are if not more under no obligation.  No obligation meaning to following:

-Not a family member.

-Not dependent upon you for money, food, sex, survival, etc.

-Not in “it” for a personal gain or future goal.

It’s priceless to find someone who simply enjoys you for you.  And ONE of the ultimate goals in life is to find that in a partner, right? Of course! We are human, we are meant to pair off and breed ( and/or adopt) and make more combinations of beings that represent the things we like most about ourselves and our partners.  However, before we EVER meet “the one” there is typically the best friend.  Friends come and go, we change and they change.  We all have the k-12 best friend, the college best friend, the professional best friend.  I’m lucky enough to have a few people I consider best friends in my life, from many different facets and time periods.

But there is always that one that sticks to you, that chose you and stuck with you out of sheer attraction.  That one who you’ve disagreed with, who you’ve gone long periods of time without talking to yet picking up right where you left off with. That one you’ve seen cry in times of happiness and sadness and the one you’ve cried for during their times of happiness and sadness.  The one who knows all of your secrets because regardless of how terribly embarassing the secret may be, you still tell them. The one who’s seen you eat way too many reeces peanut butter cups in one sitting while in your underwear.

My embodiment of this particular person resides in a petite 5’2″ mother of two with the mouth of an Alaskan truck driver and heart of the Dali Lama.  She stands for justice, she’s logical, generous and without a doubt, the best wine drinker I’ve ever met.

I remember the first heart to heart we ever had and we’ve had many in our nearly 10 years of friendship.  But this one took place on a night club couch over cheap drink specials packed with sugar and enough bass coming through the sound system to fracture a cochlear implant.  Recalling the context of the conversation proves difficult now for reasons residing in the previous sentence.  But in that moment, I found a soul mate.  It wasn’t some shallow connection you make with a random person in order to avoid confrontation or group exclusion.  It was real and immediately following this convo we shared a bathroom to solidify our friendship and maybe also to avoid standing in line alone/again.

We’ve shared long nights of drinking and dancing.  We’ve shared long days of coffee and errands.  We’ve worked and lived together.  We’ve mourned together and rejoiced in new life together. We’ve watched each other’s hearts break multiple times and always been each other’s shoulder to cry on.

We’ve seen each other at our best and worst.  At our fattest and thinnest.  At our happiest and saddest.  The other day I showed up to her home only to find her in her husbands boxer briefs and a t-shirt, glass of wine already in hand. Instead of a “Hi” or an unnecessary explanation of her current attire, I received a well deserved “You’re looking trim!” which from anyone else would have been a blow but from her meant the world cause I know how honest she truly is.

She isn’t just there to pacify my every indulgence either.  She holds no qualms in letting me know when I’m off track or wrong in a particular situation.  She will tell me when my make-up looks like shit or if I need to run a brush through my hair. Or if I need to get my life straight.  She is real with me when I’ve seen her fake it with others.

Since our beginning, she’s added a husband and two beautiful children to her world.  She’s also included and welcomed me into her family and in turn, they’ve accepted me as one of their own.  The amount of love I have received  from my best friend and her family is some times overwhelming because I worry that I’ll never be able to return it all which is where I draw upon the number one lesson I’ve gained from having my best friend in my life:

I finally came to the realization that love is not currency.  It doesn’t create a negative or positive balance. If someone chooses to love you, they simply do for all that you are, in all of your entirety.  Your mistakes and downfalls will come and go.  As long as you love them back in a way that perpetuates mutual respect and is healthy for all involved, live in that love. Don’t worry so much about the conscious effort of giving it back because by simply being yourself, you already do.  

I understand that my best friend and I don’t discuss finances or how we plan to raise our children.  We don’t sleep in the same bed or shower together like we do with our partners.  I understand that there are elements to a romantic partnership that never dwell within that of a best friendship.  However, I know what kind of love my best friend has for me and in turn, I know how I deserve to be loved by someone else.  I know what kind of love to look for when searching for that one person I’m supposed to discuss finances and babies with because of her.

So here’s to you Best Friend. I love that you shamelessly live in a t-shirt most of the time and meander around while humming your own personal theme music. I love that I see your personality in your children already and that your husband is as equally as wonderful as you are. Thank you for teaching me that I am worthy of love.

*thanks google search for an image that met a memory of mine.